There is so much I need to get off my chest. The clarity of
my mind has been seriously lacking lately… maybe from lack of sleep? At the
moment I do not have complete clarity of mind, but there is just something I
need to share before I lose the freshness of it.
This may be sacrilegious to some, but I really did not enjoy
Christmas this year. Actually I felt kind of disgusted by it. I was disgusted
by the consumerism of it and the materialism that is just blasted in your face
all the time.
Jackson, my three-year-old, was completely caught up in it… he
was like a greedy little monster looking for his next gift “victim”. Ready to
tear open another box. And honestly I don’t think he could really enjoy any one
thing because he was so caught up in opening the next thing. Granted, he is
three years old, so taking the time to savor something is a lot harder for him
than it is for someone older. But I know he can appreciate things when he takes
the time to do it. I don’t want my children to grow up with a “gimme! gimme!” attitude.
I want them to realize that there are less fortunate people in the world and I
want them to be grateful for the things they have and even if they were to
receive nothing for Christmas, to still be grateful for their loving family and
Savior. We are truly blessed and I just want them to know that.
Now, before you start thinking that I have this “holier than
thou” attitude, think again. I am so guilty of falling into the same trap my
three year old does. If you take me to the mall I turn into a panting dog. I just
see things and I become very discontented and unhappy. I just want want want
all of these things! (Insert panting dog sound.) Ugh. I don’t want to be like
that at all and I really hate when my mind starts going in that direction. There
is something about Christmas in particular that turns me into a greedy monster.
I guess I start thinking about what I want for Christmas and I come up with a
grand list of things that I “need” to have in order to make me happy. When will
I learn that they will never make me happy??
I don’t really have a solution for this yet. Right now I
just need a heart check on a daily basis. I need to cling to God, especially
during the celebration of his birth. That is what we are celebrating, right? It
is so easy to forget. <sigh> I feel like in December I get so busy with
doing this and that for Christmas that I put God to the wayside to focus on
things that “need to get done.” Also, next year I would really like to serve
somewhere on Christmas Day as a family. I want us to be grateful for everything
God has already given us and willing to give away anything we posses at a
moment’s notice if we feel God leading us to do so.
Thanks for reading. I have so much more to write, but alas
the children await! J
