Christmas...

There is so much I need to get off my chest. The clarity of my mind has been seriously lacking lately… maybe from lack of sleep? At the moment I do not have complete clarity of mind, but there is just something I need to share before I lose the freshness of it.

This may be sacrilegious to some, but I really did not enjoy Christmas this year. Actually I felt kind of disgusted by it. I was disgusted by the consumerism of it and the materialism that is just blasted in your face all the time.

Jackson, my three-year-old, was completely caught up in it… he was like a greedy little monster looking for his next gift “victim”. Ready to tear open another box. And honestly I don’t think he could really enjoy any one thing because he was so caught up in opening the next thing. Granted, he is three years old, so taking the time to savor something is a lot harder for him than it is for someone older. But I know he can appreciate things when he takes the time to do it. I don’t want my children to grow up with a “gimme! gimme!” attitude. I want them to realize that there are less fortunate people in the world and I want them to be grateful for the things they have and even if they were to receive nothing for Christmas, to still be grateful for their loving family and Savior. We are truly blessed and I just want them to know that.

Now, before you start thinking that I have this “holier than thou” attitude, think again. I am so guilty of falling into the same trap my three year old does. If you take me to the mall I turn into a panting dog. I just see things and I become very discontented and unhappy. I just want want want all of these things! (Insert panting dog sound.) Ugh. I don’t want to be like that at all and I really hate when my mind starts going in that direction. There is something about Christmas in particular that turns me into a greedy monster. I guess I start thinking about what I want for Christmas and I come up with a grand list of things that I “need” to have in order to make me happy. When will I learn that they will never make me happy??

I don’t really have a solution for this yet. Right now I just need a heart check on a daily basis. I need to cling to God, especially during the celebration of his birth. That is what we are celebrating, right? It is so easy to forget. <sigh> I feel like in December I get so busy with doing this and that for Christmas that I put God to the wayside to focus on things that “need to get done.” Also, next year I would really like to serve somewhere on Christmas Day as a family. I want us to be grateful for everything God has already given us and willing to give away anything we posses at a moment’s notice if we feel God leading us to do so.

Thanks for reading. I have so much more to write, but alas the children await! J

Contentment

I’m sitting here having just posted 5 new things to my online wish list, most of which are at least $50 or more and then I ran across an article from Fox News listing the 10 poorest countries in the world. Haiti is number one. 77% of their residents are below the poverty line and I’m sitting here in my cozy house feeling ungrateful and discontented with the stuff I currently have and I just want more stuff to take its place, because maybe it will make me a little happier. It won’t. More than half of the Haitian population lives on less than $1 a day. $1 a day! Their average annual income is less than what I spend on groceries for a month. I want to be disgusted by my own wealth and my own desire for stuff.

I’ve been thinking about what Jesus said in Matthew 19:23, “it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.” Wow, that is pretty heavy stuff. Most of us have all of our needs met daily. We are rich compared to the rest of the world. I rarely give it a second thought that we have shelter and delicious, healthy food on the table every meal and the only time I go hungry is when I’m taking care of my kids… but that is at the most an hour and I can eat pretty much whatever I want.

Often, I am so busy entertaining myself, entertaining my kids, making plans for entertaining myself or my kids and the list goes on. We are a rich society and I don’t want to be so caught up in this life and all the luxuries that I have that I lose sight of the Kingdom of God. This life is a vapor compared to the life waiting for us.

I want to be a humble person and be thankful for all God has given me. He has given me so much! I am blessed! I don’t want to keep comparing myself to my friends and neighbors, feeling envious that their car is 5 years newer than ours or that they get to buy the latest fashions. I don’t want to lose my worldly possessions, though if God called me to do that, I want to be okay with it – I just want to live a life glorifying to God and take those things he has blessed me with and use them for His glory. And I don’t want to take what He has given me for granted!

I don’t want to be so distracted by my worldly possessions that I put God to the wayside. I want to be content in every circumstance. In Philippians 4:11-13, Paul says this:

“I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret to being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.”

A few weeks ago I was pondering this verse and the idea of contentment. I think I’ve had the definition of true contentment wrong. I’ve always thought it had to do with being happy with all your STUFF… like I am feeling happy that we have been blessed with our old minivan. Basically, being happy with what God gave you and not worrying about what other people have. It may have a little to do with that, but I think true contentment has to do mostly with finding satisfaction in God, in being content with Him. And when that really happens I don’t think worldly possessions matter.

God, I want to find my satisfaction in you! And I want my true desire to be for those who don’t know you, not when can I replace my dishes.